Judge & Jury

Archive for 2009|Yearly archive page

Vacancy

In on the road on December 9, 2009 at 10:09 pm

Spouse #1 and Spouse #2 enjoy staying in motels, mostly for the crisp sheets, ac and late-night dips in the brackish pool. They differ, however, on how to leave.

Spouse #1 leaves a tip for housecleaning but also straightens up.

Spouse #2 says a tip says they don’t have to straighten up shit short of a shoot-out. (And only then do you call The Wolf.)

Who’s the asshole?

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And the asshole is…

In on the road on December 9, 2009 at 10:08 pm

Decision pending.

Want to be heard?

In judge & jury on December 9, 2009 at 10:07 pm

Email your ridiculousness to:

adjudicatethis@gmail.com

Come on, you know you’re right!

Rust belt

In home on June 15, 2009 at 10:24 pm

Spouse #1 and Spouse #2 divide their labor somewhat traditionally: Spouse #1 brings home the bacon which Spouse #2 fries up for a lovely quiche.

Spouse #1 asks Spouse #2 to google bing “dryers” and fix whatever it is that’s leaving rust stains on clothes.

Spouse #2 draws the line at adding “mechanic” to the many household titles already held.

Who’s the asshole?

And the asshole is…

In home on June 15, 2009 at 10:23 pm

Spouse #1 (husband)! Flannery O’Connor wrote a good man is hard to find. And then killed everyone off.

Want to be heard?

In judge & jury on June 15, 2009 at 10:21 pm

Email your ridiculousness to:

adjudicatethis@gmail.com

Come on, you know you’re right!

Alarm clock

In home, sleep on May 20, 2009 at 8:30 am

Spouse #1 and Spouse #2 wake up at different times.

Spouse #1 sets the alarm for very early to exercise. About 1 in 5 mornings Spouse #1 hits the snooze button. Repeatedly.

Spouse #2 considers each well-earned moment of sleep to be sacred and thinks snoozing of any kind should be outlawed.

Who’s the asshole?

And the asshole is…

In home, sleep on May 20, 2009 at 8:30 am

Spouse #1 (husband)! Shakespeare probably wrote a sonnet about this but we’re too lazy to check our iPhone app.

Want to be heard?

In judge & jury on May 20, 2009 at 8:29 am

Email your ridiculousness to:

adjudicatethis@gmail.com

Come on, you know you’re right!

Wake-up call

In home, sleep on May 17, 2009 at 9:36 pm

Boyfriend and girlfriend leave the apartment at different times.

Significant Other #1 asks to be woken up by Significant Other #2 before Significant Other #2 leaves for the day.

Significant Other #2 does as requested by playing music. Significant Other #1 finds this method to be horribly excessive (made worse by Significant Other #2’s taste in music).

Who’s the asshole?